Spoons!!!!

My friend Alana and I are both workaholics and have both worked ourselves sick. She and I both try to keep an eye on each other making sure the other isn't overdoing it. But how to do so with out sounding like a nag?  Then my friend Bensen posted The Spoon Theory http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/ ( I am not copying it , as per the request on the website. But go and read it, it will change how your view on chronic illness). Reading the Spoon Theory made me realize that even tho I do not have chronic illness, we all only have so many spoons everyday and if we use them all up we make ourselves susceptible to the effects of stress and getting sick. Think of each spoon as a bit of energy you use up and you only get so many spoons each day, once they are gone they are gone and if you use more than you have, you will have even less the next day.

So now Alana and I will ask each other "How are your Spoons?" or suggest things to each other to do to replenish spoons. Reading this article gave me the ability to access where I really am. Have I used up all my spoons? Do I have enough spoons to do this? and remind myself that if I use up all my spoons I won't have enough energy to fight off colds and keep healthy...

So make sure not use up all your spoons!

I can be anything I want, I cannot do everything

When I was little I was told I could be anything I wanted. Children in American hear this again and again especially  girls. They tell us this because many of our families came from places with no choices, places that limited who you could be. Being born poor or a different skin color or female could limit how far you could aspire. So the Dream of being anything is ingrained in us Americans. It is a wonderful concept, but in it's actual application it isn't quite so easy. I fear many of us has confused "you can be anything you want" with "you can do everything". I know this first hand, because I am now suffering from the effects of confusing the two ideas.

I am an artist and I actually make my living at it. I tattoo 4 days a week and the other 3 days I work from my home studio painting and doing freelance design. But because I have been living "You can do everything",  I am not really living my life. I work most days of the week and even when I am not actually working the things I need to get done just hang over me.  I don't really enjoy my social time, I am thinking about what I have to do next, not being there in the moment. I am trying so hard to work toward a life I want, that I'm not really living my life at this moment. The fall out is pretty awful. I have let my friendships wither because I have no time to be with my friends. I have high blood pressure and ocular migraines. I have gained considerable weight due to stress, lack of movement and eating my way thru the stress.

Stress?? I know some would say, what stress? You have so much going for you. And I do have so many great things in my life; a 24 year relationship with my husband, I do what I love for a living, I work for wonderful bosses. I love where I live (my apartment, my neighborhood).. All these this are wonderful, how can I be stressed? The answer is that not all stress is bad stress. I know my stress is the one of overabundance of opportunity. I have so many things I can be doing, so many opportunities that have come my way and I am grateful for them. But I am only one person and cannot do them all. I am so afraid I will say no to the one thing that will take me to the next level in my career, that I don't want to say no to anything.. I guess I need to realize it's not saying no to opportunities, but saying yes to having a life. As my sister-in-law Donna once asked me "Are you a human Doing or a human Being?" I unfortunately have been a human Doing..

 So now that I have seen the problem and named it what to do now?
It looks like it's time to begin living.. I have to figure out a way to balance my career and my life. Eating healthier, get more movement (exercise) into my life, make time to reconnect with friends. And learn how to shut off the voice in my head that is constantly updating me on what I still have to get done.. I need to remember to say NO once in a while. Not to everything, but when my schedule is full already, don't take on more than I can actually do.  And most importantly I need to remember that although I can be anything I want, I cannot do everything, I am only one person. Time to be a Human Being