Eye update; A second opinion

Today I went to get a second opinion on my cataract and to get recommendation on the lens replacement. The Eye Doctor visit went amazing! I am so glad I got the second opinion.

 I had an eye doctor I loved but my primary Dr. had to refer me to an eye doctor in his circle to check the pressure in my eyes after several ocular migraines. My regular eye doctor was not on his list of doctors to refer. I went to the other eye doctor and got my eye pressure checked. While I was there I talked to him about my cataract in my left eye since it seemed to be getting worse.  He was not very helpful and had recommend I go with a replacement lens that would fix my vision in the left eye. A lens that was $1500 more than the regular lens and not covered by my insurance. I was willing to pay the extra money out of pocket if it made my vision better, my eyes are very important to me.. But I couldn't get straight answers from him and once I did more research on the lens via the internet, I discovered that that lens was not a good option for me for a number of reasons.. I kept getting the feeling that I was going to the wrong person for my surgery. I just wanted to understand what my options were and which lens would be best for my vision needs. But all I got was the up-sell..

My husband and I talked about it and decided I needed to go back to the doctor who originally diagnosed my cataract. He was amazing the first time and did a great job explaining what a cataract was and I was totally comfortable with him.

So today I went back to my Favorite eye doctor and got a second opinion. First off, my cataract has gotten worse since the last time he looked at it. Before I only had a cataract on the front of the lens, that cataract has expanded and I now have a second one on the back of the lens in the dead center of my vision. Which explains why my vision in that eye has seemed so much worse.. We went over my options of lenses.. Correcting my left eye to see distance better and glasses needed for reading.. But my right eye is near sighted so maybe not so good.. Adjusting my vision so both eyes are the same so my vision close up is good and I would need glasses or contacts for distance and a few other options I can't remember right now.. My doctor is conferring with his associate and the operating surgeon to give me a recommendation that is best for my lifestyle and my profession.. He took the time to talk to me and answer all my questions, brought in the other doctor and discussed my case.. Both agreed that the crystalens is not a good option for me, it would be if I was replacing both eyes, but not for doing just one lens replacement.  I would have been paying alot more for a lens that would actually give me issues in adjusting to the new lens and it would not have worked well with a single eye lens replacement.. I am so glad  that my husband urged me to follow my gut reaction. I am now starting the process of getting my surgery done.. I will get the lens recommendation as well as a surgeon recommendation in the next week and then I will need to schedule my appointment. And the best part is that I will be seeing clearly the day after my surgery!!! I will not be tattooing for a few days after that just to make sure my vision is 100% before working on any clients.

Lesson learned, follow you gut, of it seems shady it might be, and ask lots of questions!!! Funny, I tell clients this about getting a tattoo and I almost didn't take my own advice.

Side note for those concerned about me tattooing them with a cataract...... My vision is not a problem for tattooing right now, I am taking care of it before it effects my ability to tattoo.. I would stop tattooing if I thought it would be a problem.. 

Kitsune and Tanuki

 Now  a continuation of my Kowai Kawaii Yokai.. Today I will talk about my two favorite tricksters Kitsune and Tanuki (click on names for more information). Both of them are traditional Japanese Yokai and both are shape shifters.. I would say they were my gateway Yokai. They were the way I discovered that yokai existed and introduced me to a new world.

Kitsune is a fox, Tanuki is a Japanese Tanuki (raccoon dog). I first came upon both of them while playing the video game Animal Crossing. They had Kitsune called Crazy Redd, the black market salesman with a tent that sold you things, sometimes very overpriced.  The Tanuki was Tom Nook, he was the owner of the local store where you buy supplies and sell things.

                                               
Tom Nook reminded me of Mario in Super Mario Bros 3 dressed in a Tanuki suit. Now I know why..
                                                             
 I keep seeing them both everywhere.. I finally fell deeply in love with them both with  the Movie Pom Poko a story about the Tanuki trying to save their natural habitat. This movie had not only Tanuki, but also Kitsune and my first glimpse of a Ghost Parade with many Yokai I had never seen before.. After seeing this movie I started looking for information on Yokai and found more and more little glimpses of them everywhere.

Lately I have been a bit obsessed with making Kitsune and Tanuki as shape-shifted girls with Masks as hair ornaments and makeup to match their personalities. Here are a few of my new pieces featuring Kitsune and Tanuki.

 

The two of them are continuing to inspire me, and we have many new adventures to come.

Kowai Kawaii Yokai コワイ かわいい 妖怪

Hello 2012, with a new year I am beginning a new project. Altho not entirely new, I have been doing pieces that will fit in this series for quite some time. The difference is I am now getting focus and really going to see how far I can take the ideas I have. Kowai Kawaii Yokai コワイ  かわいい  妖怪  is the name of the series. The name is in Japanese because most of the influence comes from Japan and because I like the sound of it. What does it mean? Kowai = Scary, Kawaii = Cute and Yokai =Demon, Spirit, Monster. So they will be Scary and Cute Monsters. If you would like to know more about Yokai look to wikipedia, it has info on what they are and the many different types.

  This series has come about over a very long time and is a perfect mix of my obsession with all things Japan and my fascination with Monsters. I have always been fascinated with monsters, as a child I would watch Sir Graves Ghastly every Saturday. Sir Graves was a pretend vampire who would play old black and white monster films; Frankenstein, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Dracula, the Werewolf. Kind of like today’s Elvira… But way less sexy.

I always saw the monsters as the misunderstood hero in the story. People saw them as different and attacked because of the fear of their difference. I always saw myself a monster in a way, I wasn’t popular in school, I had friends but I was often the butt of jokes and I was picked on a lot. So I related to the monsters plight of being picked on and misunderstood. For years I have done my own versions of these Classic Monsters, sometimes even mixing my obsession with Japan and making Geisha Versions of them.

Then a couple of years ago I discovered a book Yokai Attack. It was a revelation for me, All these monsters, spirits and demons have been a part of so many of the Japanese things I love. I found them in my favorite Anime. Pom Poko, Spirited Away, Princess Monoke all have Yokai in the story. Many of the Japanese tattoos I was drawing for clients had Yokai in them (Oni, Tengu, Kitsune). And even in some of the lovely art I picked up on my trip to Japan were all filled with Yokai!!! Now I had a name for them, I could look up more and more about them online. And I have spent hours looking at Google images of Yokai, reading articles about them and doing sketches of them..This is the first time since I started drawing my Big Eyed Girls that I have been this inspired.. I have so many things I want to do with them. Paint, draw, design, try new techniques and really explore my own creativity with them..
Here is a sample of some of the new work:

Me and my Yokai pals

Ha No Me (teeth eyed)

Tanuki and Kitsune playing hanafuda

I will be posting more images as I work on the project and more specifics about the Yokai I am working on.

All I want for Xmas is to see better

I have been having some issues with my left eye for a while now.. My first doctor said I had some hazing on the lens of my eye. I went to another doctor for a second opinion, who told me that I had a cataract in my eye (this is very rare for some one in their early 40's). At that time I was having some issues with my vision, but I could deal with it.. Most recently the issues with my vision have been interfering with my life and work. My night vision, which has been never great, is much worse, I don't drive at night at all anymore. And most importantly seeing to paint or tattoo is becoming more and more of a problem. I am finding myself squinting and straining my eyes to focus. Which isn't working  as the cataract is clouding my vision more and more.. here is an example of what I am seeing..

 As you can imagine this is totally freaking me out. I rely on my vision for my job and my art.. So off to the doctor I went again to discover that I am a good candidate for cataract surgery. I do have health insurance but 2 problems, Firstly I have a $4000 deductible, I will not meet this deductible so I will pay for the entire surgery out of pocket. Secondly the better lens (and why not get the best lens for my eyes? they are very important) is $2500 and not covered by insurance. I will be needing to save up a bit to afford the surgery and the time off of work while healing.. Luckily I will only miss a couple days of work to get the surgery and heal. They have come a long way in eye surgery..
So I will be having a sale on my website to raise money for my surgery.. I don't want any handouts, but if you were going to get some of my art, this would be the time to do it..Many larger pieces will be cut significantly and any money you spend will go toward my surgery. Go here for the sale www.misha-art.com. We start the sale Saturday November 26th and running it thru the holidays in hope this can help me get my surgery early next year. Thanks to all of you who have been supportive of my art in the past and in the future.

I wish I could draw

     I was talking to my Mom a few months back, she and my sister had started taking watercolor classes. She was telling me that she was frustrated that she couldn't draw that well. And that she wished she had the ability that I had to draw.. I told her that she does have the ability, she just needs to practice. I find it funny how many people think that artists just pick up a pencil and magic just flows from it, it doesn't work that way.. A runner wouldn't expect to run a 20 mile marathon if they never trained. They train and run smaller marathons, building up to the big one. An artist needs to do the same thing, they need to draw... A LOT. There will be many bad drawing some good and even a few amazing drawings. But you need to train you hands to move the pencil. You need to train your eyes to see what is really there and how to make it look like that on paper. I draw everyday, some of the drawings are for work and some are for me and the more I do it the better I get. I have my old sketchbooks and occasionally I will take them out just to see how far I have come.

      I have a theory that most people can draw, but what they don't do is draw.. They are so intimidated by the blank sheet of paper, that they never begin.. So don't be afraid of the paper, when you get it, scribble on it.. Now does the scribble look like anything? See if you can make the scribble become something.. Or maybe you will work better taking out a simple object ( like a piece of fruit or a cup) and drawing it again and again.. you will see with each drawing you are getting better and better at making it look like what you want or even get it to look like what it is..

So do it, pick up a pencil or marker or crayon and just start. You can draw, you just have to try.

Spoons!!!!

My friend Alana and I are both workaholics and have both worked ourselves sick. She and I both try to keep an eye on each other making sure the other isn't overdoing it. But how to do so with out sounding like a nag?  Then my friend Bensen posted The Spoon Theory http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/ ( I am not copying it , as per the request on the website. But go and read it, it will change how your view on chronic illness). Reading the Spoon Theory made me realize that even tho I do not have chronic illness, we all only have so many spoons everyday and if we use them all up we make ourselves susceptible to the effects of stress and getting sick. Think of each spoon as a bit of energy you use up and you only get so many spoons each day, once they are gone they are gone and if you use more than you have, you will have even less the next day.

So now Alana and I will ask each other "How are your Spoons?" or suggest things to each other to do to replenish spoons. Reading this article gave me the ability to access where I really am. Have I used up all my spoons? Do I have enough spoons to do this? and remind myself that if I use up all my spoons I won't have enough energy to fight off colds and keep healthy...

So make sure not use up all your spoons!

I can be anything I want, I cannot do everything

When I was little I was told I could be anything I wanted. Children in American hear this again and again especially  girls. They tell us this because many of our families came from places with no choices, places that limited who you could be. Being born poor or a different skin color or female could limit how far you could aspire. So the Dream of being anything is ingrained in us Americans. It is a wonderful concept, but in it's actual application it isn't quite so easy. I fear many of us has confused "you can be anything you want" with "you can do everything". I know this first hand, because I am now suffering from the effects of confusing the two ideas.

I am an artist and I actually make my living at it. I tattoo 4 days a week and the other 3 days I work from my home studio painting and doing freelance design. But because I have been living "You can do everything",  I am not really living my life. I work most days of the week and even when I am not actually working the things I need to get done just hang over me.  I don't really enjoy my social time, I am thinking about what I have to do next, not being there in the moment. I am trying so hard to work toward a life I want, that I'm not really living my life at this moment. The fall out is pretty awful. I have let my friendships wither because I have no time to be with my friends. I have high blood pressure and ocular migraines. I have gained considerable weight due to stress, lack of movement and eating my way thru the stress.

Stress?? I know some would say, what stress? You have so much going for you. And I do have so many great things in my life; a 24 year relationship with my husband, I do what I love for a living, I work for wonderful bosses. I love where I live (my apartment, my neighborhood).. All these this are wonderful, how can I be stressed? The answer is that not all stress is bad stress. I know my stress is the one of overabundance of opportunity. I have so many things I can be doing, so many opportunities that have come my way and I am grateful for them. But I am only one person and cannot do them all. I am so afraid I will say no to the one thing that will take me to the next level in my career, that I don't want to say no to anything.. I guess I need to realize it's not saying no to opportunities, but saying yes to having a life. As my sister-in-law Donna once asked me "Are you a human Doing or a human Being?" I unfortunately have been a human Doing..

 So now that I have seen the problem and named it what to do now?
It looks like it's time to begin living.. I have to figure out a way to balance my career and my life. Eating healthier, get more movement (exercise) into my life, make time to reconnect with friends. And learn how to shut off the voice in my head that is constantly updating me on what I still have to get done.. I need to remember to say NO once in a while. Not to everything, but when my schedule is full already, don't take on more than I can actually do.  And most importantly I need to remember that although I can be anything I want, I cannot do everything, I am only one person. Time to be a Human Being